My 10 year old...

First of all writing this to help myself.  Very open to any advice that you think you might have.  I am leaning on the people around me for inspiration, hope and some darn good advice!  I will write more on just me and the other parts of my life later on, this issue is on top of my thoughts lately.  About my 10 year old...she is an amazingly talented artsy kid.  Loves projects.  Just did a book report on Rosa Parks and was so creative about it.  Her last one she handed out origami to the class and had them vote on which report they liked the best, got an extra 20 points for having class involvement.  WOW!  I think she is an old soul in a young girl.  Has been strong willed and minded since the age of 1, at least.  Almost as tall as me too!  Big socialite, loves to dance and loves soccer.  Here are my issues....yes mine.  I feel like she is hitting the pre teen hormonal phase a little early.  We sass, talk back, and not much respect around me or her father.  Has problems with listening at school, talking at the wrong times, etc.  Of course I have read books and tried something we call the 'fine jar'.  Unfortunately this behavior keeps happening.  Yesterday I reached out to the people I had the most faith in and they have really helped.  I thought this could possibly be ADHD/ADD.  WAS not going to label her that, nor do medication!  But if there was a way for me to work with her  and make this better, I was ready!  Talked to my good friend, H...she has her family therapy degree and is a realist(my opinion), but it's a great thing!  Then I talked with my sister in law, K.  She was able to open my eyes up to a whole different issue.  DISCIPLINE.  Sounds simple, huh?  NOPE.  For me it's the hardest thing in the world.  Main problem I have with it, is CONSISTENCY.  Yep, tell her she is grounded, feel bad later, and let her go to the neighbors.  OOPS.  Not following through with these punishments has led to this...little respect and she knows how to press my buttons.  She does, smart kid I tell you.  Found out that K has noticed more, helps being on the outside, it does.  As for me, I have learned to be very open to constructive criticism.  YOU DON'T have to agree, but folks, listen, you never know when something might click!  The other thing I learned that is probably going to be hard for me is being a better wife!  I am her main example and role model.  I have said unflattering things to my husband, not praised him enough, just not said thanks enough.  Now my child thinks she can act the same way.  It is a scary, scary thing.  Few people know my background, it's not my crutch, nor am I going to blame it all on that.  First I grew up with a father that wasn't a well, father.  He used scare tactics all the time.  Hugs, what were those?  Nice words, compliments....what?  When I was in 2nd grade, came home to a packed house and he and my stepmother took me and dumped me at my maternal grandmothers house.  THANK GOD FOR THAT, but still, never knew why?  Never asked either.  He was never there for me as a kid.  Guilt trips all the time.  And on and on.  Mom never remarried.  My sole male role models were my grandfather and my uncle Dave.  Both shall I say outstanding men.  Later in life my brother in law played a big part in this.  Still for me, hard to treat my husband the way a wife is supposed to be treated.  I know what to and how to.  Making a decision to do this day to day.  We are getting a book tonight, so we can get on the same page as to discipline.  Becoming a team again.  Children are not perfect, not one.  But I, with Gods help-no doubt,  am going to hope, pray and try to raise very respectful, loving and faithful children.  OUR wold needs them!  More than ever...I have 2 other little girls.  Man what pressure.  Overwhelms me...these past couple of weeks it feels like a cloud over my life.  Ready for that light to shine!  Well, my first blog...